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You know you’re getting old…
1) When your spouse says “lets go upstairs and make love”, and you can’t do both!
2) When your friends compliment you on your alligator shoes, and your barefoot!
3) When a sexy babe catches your fancy, and your pacemaker opens the garage door!
4) When you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor and not the police!
5) When ‘getting a little action’ means you don’t need to take any fibre today!
6) When ‘getting lucky’ means you find your car in the parking lot!
7) When an ‘all nighter’ means not getting up to pee!
8) When going bra-less pulls the wrinkles out of your face!
9) When you go to the doctor and you realize you’re now so old, you have to pay someone to look at you naked.
10) When you go for a mammogram and you realize it is the only time someone will actually want you to appear topless on film.
11) When you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream… “Listen, honey, even the Roman Empire fell, and those things will too!”
12) When you look at your latte-swilling, beeper-wearing know-it-all teenager and think… “For this I have stretch marks?!”
13) When your memory really starts to go and the only thing you still retain is water.
14) When you become more reflective. You start pondering the “big” questions– what is life, why am I here… how much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it’s no longer a healthy choice?
15) When ‘Age before Beauty’ becomes your mantra
16) When you realise that the only time you are going to meet a good looking young man, is when he offers to help you accross the street.
17) When you come to the realisation that the good looking man at the table next to you, is looking AT you, not FOR you.
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