specialist help please !!!

[Peter Munday]

Lynn you are too kind 😀

[Mike Grant]

Chuck em a healthy portion of steak n’ chips 😮 :lol1:

[John Simpson]

pick them up & put them outside Brenda, like my wife does.

L J

[Lynn Normington]

tried that mike dont like it!!!!

Lynn

[Phill Fenton]

Do what I do – capture them in a glass and release them into the wild.

Everyone in my household goes ape when a spider is seen – my job is to capture the buggers and get rid of them 😀

[Lynn Normington]

L J they live with central heating if I put them out now they wil be sure to die AND MY NAME IS NOT SHIRLEY

Lynn

[John Singh]

quote :

AND MY NAME IS NOT SHIRLEY

Are you Cher its not

[Lynn Normington]

no my hair isn’t long enough is it ????

Lynn/cher/brenda/shirley

[John Singh]

quote :

Lynn/cher/brenda/shirley

How does my mind work?

All I see is: Ginn/Sherry/Brandy/Shiraz

[Lynn Normington]

no coffee coffee water water water after 6ish vodka + coke

😀 Lynn

[Phill Fenton]

Think of how many flies they kill in cold blood. They don’t deserve any pity Lynn. How many flies will die if they survive into the spring. Put them out of the house now and let them survive by their own means. You don’t want to be responsible for indirectly causing the death of many hundreds of flies come springtime do you 😮

[Nicola McIntosh]

grap them in a hankie and throw them down the toilet 😀 thats what i get ed to do….cause i hate them 😕

nik

[Lynn Normington]

no can’t spiders they kill the horrid horrid flies if I could find them to give them I would ,hate hate hate flies ,cause disease and more but none around at the moment to feed to my spydes, where do fly go in the winter ??? tell me I’ll go and get them for my spydes

Lynn

[Lynn Normington]

Nik you should watch a spider make it’s web, as a sign maker I could never make anything as beautiful.
and how could you kill something that makes something so lovely, on a cold clear frosty morning look at what they have done .

Lynn

[David Rowland]

quote Lynn:

ok I have two spiders that live in my house. One lives in the bathroom it’s really pretty really long thin legs and a nice sort of body the one that lives in my kitchen has short dumpy legs and body, what on earth are they eating at this time of year nothing flying about so can I feed them anything??? seems they will die soon if not.

Lynn 😥

They could eat Biggles!

[John Singh]

No! No! NO!

Put them to work
They’re living off of you and your cosy central heated home

You could train them

Think about this!
What about getting them to tap you on the forehead in the morning to wake you up instead of a noisy alarm!

The list is probably endless
What about searching the web

[Phill Fenton]

Nah – you’ve got it wrong Lynn. Spiders are evil. they’re like Daleks and The Borg (from Star Trek), totaly devoid of any conscience. They have no right to live amongst good middle class folk like us 😕

[Robert Lambie]

get an elaphant gun and put one behind its ear. 😉 then go find the skinny legged one and tell it “exactly” what you did to his mate! 😮
at this point he will run a mile… cold or no cold, he will be right out under your back door before you take aim.

i learned that back in nam…

[Lynn Normington]

never met an evil spider yet!!! know nothing about star trek and borg’s met some evil people though.

LYnn

[Phill Fenton]

:lol1: :lol1: :lol1:

That’ll sort them out Rob – Exactly what I would have done too but I didn’t have the heart to put it so bluntly to Lynn. 😕

[John Singh]

Phill said:

quote :

Spiders are evil. they’re like Daleks and The Borg (from Star Trek), totaly devoid of any conscience.

Lynn said she’s never met an evil spider yet

Now remind me: What does the black widow do after her husband has done his duty?

‘Conscience’ what conscience!

[Lynn Normington]

but I haven’t got a gun (:) (:) (:) (:)

Lynn

[Phill Fenton]

Just pull their legs of then 🙄

[Lynn Normington]

and John I didn’t say it was a black widow If it had been I probably would have said ” PETER GET THAT SPIDER OUT OF THE BATHROOM”

Lynn

[John Singh]

At least charge them rent Lynn

[Lynn Normington]

3 flys a month!!!!

Lynn

[Phill Fenton]

They’ve no scruples John. They’d just run up six months in arrears then scarper to the next poor mug prepared to give them lodgings

[John Singh]

quote :

3 flys a month!!!!

So when you advertise that spare room for lodgers do you send out flyers

[Lynn Normington]

so Phill if I just pull of two legs they can’t scarper or do I need three and if they do scarper what I’m I going to do with 3 dead flies 🙄

Lynn

[Phill Fenton]

You could always put the dead flies and three legged spiders in Peters tea next time he does something that annoys you 😀

[John Singh]

Phill said:

quote :

They’d just run up six months in arrears then scarper

I think they are trying to address this issue right now in the commons;

Tagging has been suggested
One MP suggested painted one leg purple
(So be careful which leg you pull off or you’ll defeat the purpose)

[Robert Lambie]

quote :

pull only two legs off?

forget it lynn, itsy bitsy cleaned up years ago selling minuture zimmers to fellow spiders wounded using your very same tactics by landlords.
i thought i was clever pulling all 8 legs, till one of the little blighters passed my feet on a itsy bitsy patented skateboard.

that itsy bitsy really has it in for us after the spout scenario. 😕

[John Singh]

Well thats it

What is the world coming to

First Yobs! Hoodies! hurtling past and snatchin’ handbags and purses

But now!
Evil spiders with no conscience and no flaming legs hurtling past us on skateboards eager to wreak havoc wherever they go

[Robert Lambie]

too true john… the ones that are in our houses are soft apparently. then there are the ones in the back garden that are the worst! some folk call them the yardies… 😕 :lol1:

[John Singh]

quote :

the ones in the back garden that are the worst! some folk call them the yardies…

:lol1: :lol1:

Keep them away from our stanley knifes and ‘heat’ guns

[David Rowland]

:thread:

[John Singh]

Yeah! I agree
Who spun this yarn?

[David Rowland]

To be honest.. i look up in the room and i can see quite a few cobwebs.. i don’t mind ’em… never harmed me.

[Carrie Brown]

I dont like spiders …. or insects/bugs at all!! Even small midgy fly thingys that you get in summer …… I tell Steve we have a bug … he does the catching and disposal of them … sorted!!

😀

[John Singh]

Dave said:

quote :

i look up in the room and i can see quite a few cobwebs.. i don’t mind ’em… never harmed me.

No Dave! Let me explain
Listen carefully
Its not the cobwebs that harm you

It the spiders

They either scare the hell outa you and/or they ruin you financially

Our cat used to sort them out
Now she just too lazy to lift a paw

Yep! Another scrounger – rent free – food free
She was watchin’ the tele the other night – TV free!

[Nancy Wannous]

Lynn,

Spiders are everywhere in australia.

I hate them only cos once i had one crawling on me it was big i was sleeping.

i agree with Nik flash them down the toilette it was a 2 inch big ugly yakee thing.

I would keep one as a pet but inside a thing.

Lynn did you watch Spiderman 1 and 2 ? Now that i would not mind if he crawls over me lol

[Jill Marie Welsh]

Reminds me of this song:

http://www.niehs.nih.gov/kids/lyrics/oldlady.htm

I would take tweezers and pull off all but one leg on both.
Then they could hop around.
It would break the dull winter tedium to watch them.
You could even knit a tiny pair of booties and each could wear one.
At least they wouldn’t make as much noise then.
Love….Jill

[Jayne Marsh]

What a wonderful thread! You lot are nuts 😮
I personally have a spider phobia, come out all goose bumps when I see one and have been known to tear off my top when my darling daughter said I had one on my back 😳
I vacuum them up Im afraid with my trusty Dyson

[Shane Drew]

I know what you say Jayne.

My wife is the same. I am not that fussed on them, had one fall on my lap from the sun visor whilst on the freeway some years back. Took every bit of control for me not to ‘lose it’.

My wife tho has had them crawl over her face while she is driving. Went absolutely ballistic!

Rang me one day in tears, on the side of the road, convinced there was one on her back. I drove to her location on the side of a busy highway and had to convince her that she should not get undressed then and there, that perhaps she should do it at work. She refused to get back into the car, so she took my vehicle to work, and I drove hers for the day.

I found nothing, until I got home, when I slammed the door of the vehicle shut, it was on the door handle. It was huge, and it took my breath away. Until I introduced it to my size 10 boot!

Only when I could show the missus the carcase would she hop back into the car.

We have a lot of big spiders in Australia, most are harmless, apart from the heart attack they induce when they crop up when you least expect it.

[Jayne Marsh]

Shane, I completely sympathise with your wife, I think if one crawled on me when I was driving I would scream the place down and slam the brakes on and leap out of the car like a mad woman 😮
I would have serious trouble with the spiders you have in Oz, I dont know how you cope :lol1:

[Shane Drew]

quote Jayne Marsh:

Shane, I completely sympathise with your wife, I think if one crawled on me when I was driving I would scream the place down and slam the brakes on and leap out of the car like a mad woman 😮
I would have serious trouble with the spiders you have in Oz, I dont know how you cope :lol1:

pictures here https://www.uksignboards.com/viewtopic.p … 511#125511

[Marcella Ross]

What were you lot on last night when contributing to this thread????? 😮

Each and everyone of you are bonkers! John Singh you’re mad, Phill, you’re mad, Robert – ‘learned it back in nam’ – mad. And Lynn……. need I say more…….

*hair*

[Dave Bruce]

Whats going on here, you lot got nothing to do?

Look out Jayne there’s something on your back…….. 😮

Now get back to work you lot (:)

Dave.com.com.com

[John Childs]

quote Jayne Marsh:

have been known to tear off my top when my darling daughter said I had one on my back

I’ll remember that one to use in the bar at the NEC. 😀

[Hugh Potter]

you stick to yer guns lynn, i used to have pet spiders in my old car parts workshop, three big buggers … one on each window, when flies cam in i’d swat them into the webs !! 😀

if you’re serious, you could try your local pet shop, no really, one that deals with lizard food etc, you might be able to get some real small crickets or something !

[Robert Lambie]

what do you call a fly with no wings?

a walk. 😛

😮 ok ok i thought it was funny…

😕

[Mike Grant]

I done a scientific study on spiders a while back.

I trained my spider to obey commands.

I taught it to walk forward on command.
I taught it to walk backwards on command.
I taught it to walk left on command.
I taught it to walk right on command.

What was the point of all this, well I proved that if you pull all the legs off a spider………………

THEY GO DEAF!
😮

[David Rowland]

quote John Childs:

quote Jayne Marsh:

have been known to tear off my top when my darling daughter said I had one on my back

I’ll remember that one to use in the bar at the NEC. 😀

Just what I was thinking John! :lol1:

[Jill Marie Welsh]

I’ll bring some fake spiders to give to you boys to liven things up that Wednesday at Sign UK.
Love….Jill

[Jayne Marsh]

My top is staying firmly on 😮 I dont trust you lot :lol1:

[John Simpson]

you are a spoil sport Jane 😳