-
Quantas Airlines
After every flight Quantas Airline pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Quantas pilots and the solution as recorded by Quantas maintenance engineers.
By the way Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
(P= The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S= the solution and action taken by the engineers.)
P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
P: Test flight OK except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.
P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
S: Evidence removed
P: DE volume unbelievably loud
S: DE set to more believably level
P: Friction locks because throttle levers to stick
S: That’s what they’re there for.
P: IF inoperative
S: IF always inoperative in off mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield
S: Suspect you’re right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right , and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
-
8 Replies
-
Like It!!! :lol1:
-
lol !!! i heard on the radio today the quantas have been condcting experiments with soundwaves (this is for real !) and that playing certain sound waves under the wings on take off gives 22% more lift 😮
apparently rock music in general gives the best lift, though certain notes give more !
i can picture it now, a big pair of peavey monitrs strapped to the front of the wngs, blasting out some Rammstein of Cradle of filth !!
-
Very good Dave
Seen something similar before.
I am obligated to tell you tho, as a dinky die Aussie, that there is no ‘u’ in Qantas.
😮
Qantas was formerly an acronym for the Queensland and Northern Territory Aerial Services 😛 -
Sorry Shane, I’m such a galah!
-
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
Made my day!
-
Isnt Quantas the ONLY airline that has never had a air crash ? 😛
-
Just stopped laughing enough to respond, very funny.
Steve
-
quote Alan Wharton:Isnt Quantas the ONLY airline that has never had a air crash ? 😛
The safest airline in the world. I don’t think it has had an air crash, but have had a few ground ‘incidents’.
I suppose I’d rather that than an ‘incident’ in the air 😮
Log in to reply.
