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pilot to air traffic control conversations…..
Following are accounts of supposedly actual exchanges between
airline and control towers from around the world:During taxi, the crew of a US Air departure flight to Ft.
Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United
727. The irate ground controller (a female) lashed out at the US
Air crew screaming “US Air 2771, where are you going?. I told
you to turn right on ‘Charlie’ taxi way; you turned right on
‘Delta’. Stop right there. I know it’s difficult to tell the
difference between C’s and D’s, but get it right”.
Continuing her lashing to the embarrassed crew, she was now
shouting hysterically, “God, you’ve screwed everything up; it’ll
take forever to sort this out. You stay right there and don’t
move until I tell you to. You can expect progressive taxi
instructions in about a half hour and I want you to go exactly
where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you. You got
that, US Air 2771??”
The humbled crew responded: “Yes Ma’am”.
Naturally, the ‘ground control’ frequency went terribly silent
after the verbal bashing of US Air Flight 2771. No one wanted to
engage the irate ground controller in her current state. Tension
in every cockpit at LGA was running high. Shortly after the
controller finished her admonishment of the U.S. Air crew, an
unknown male pilot finally broke the silence and asked, “Wasn’t I
married to you once?”
——————————————–The controller who was working a busy pattern told the 727 on
downwind to make a couple of three-sixties (complete circles,
usually to provide spacing between aircraft).
The pilot of the 727 complained, “Do you know it costs us two
thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?
Without missing a beat the controller replied, “Roger, give me
four thousand dollars worth!”~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his
approach speed just a little too high.
San Jose Tower: “American 751 heavy, turn right at the end, if
able. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101
and make a right at the light to return to the airport”.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was a really nice day, right about dusk, and a Piper Malibu
was being vectored into a long line of airliners in order to land
at Kansas City.
KC Approach: “Malibu three-two-Charlie, you’re following a 727,
one o’clock and three miles.”
Three-two-Charlie: “We’ve got him. We’ll follow him.”
KC Approach: “Delta 105, your traffic to follow is a Malibu,
eleven o’clock and three miles. Do you have that traffic?”
Delta 105 (long pause and then in a thick southern drawl): “Well
…I’ve got something down there. Can’t quite tell if it’s a
Malibu or a Chevelle, though.”~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Unknown Aircraft: “I’m @#$% bored!”.
Air Traffic Control: “Last aircraft transmitting, identify
yourself immediately!!”
Unknown Aircraft: “I said I was @#$% bored, not @#$% stupid!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Tower: “Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on
124.7.”
Eastern 702: “Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure … by
the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on
the far end of the runway.”
Tower: “Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure
on 124.7; did you copy the report from Eastern, Continental 635?”
Continental 635: “cleared for takeoff roger; and yes, we copied
Eastern and we’ve already notified our caterers.”~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
my personal favourite…..
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are a
short-tempered lot.. They not only expect one to know one’s gate
parking location but how to get there without any assistance from
them. So it was with some amusement that we (a PanAm 747)
listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground
control and a British Airways 747 (call sign “Speedbird 206”)
after landing:
Speedbird 206: “Top of the morning Frankfurt,
Speedbird 206 clear of the active runway.”
Ground: “Guten morgen! You vill taxi to your gate!”
The big British Airways 747 pulled onto the main taxi way and
slowed to a stop.
Ground: “Speedbird, do you not know vare you are going?”
Speedbird 206: “Stand by a moment ground, I’m looking up our gate
location now.”
Ground (with some arrogant impatience): “Speedbird 206, haff you
never flown to Frankfurt before?!?”
Speedbird 206 (cooly): “Yes, I have, in 1944. In another type of
Boeing. But I didn’t stop.” -
1 Reply
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Brilliant :lol1:
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