need advice

[Hugh Potter]

Dear Uncle Micheal,

i think the simple answer, is because they can, bars and clubs stay open a lot later than they used to, kicking out in some clubs here isn’t until 4 or 5 am, most are a bit earlier, even if they close the bar at 2am, it’s likely the place won’t be empty until 3am, then people stand around chatting, and milling around, before heading home.

I can sympathise, and hope my 14yr old daughter soon changes her ways too, caught her smoking, pinching stuff, telling the world how bad we are on the phone if we chastise her, god, wish she’d been a boy!
it sounds like you’re doing pretty good though mike, good for you! she’ll appreciate it when she looks back!

Hugh

[Chris Wool]

hats off to you for tackling the problem.

quote :

My question is why do the teenagers of today stay out so late. what are they seeking?

energy and expectation.

only words i can offer.
understanding, guidance, interest and inclusion but she appears to be making steps her self so encouragement with out smothering.

my daughter when through a ruff patch in with the wrong crowd etc. and its very difficult to know that you are doing the right thing. but the fact you are there for her is every thing.

chris

[Lynn Normington]

Michael I have no words of wisdom for you just love and patience, and although it is probably not right let her know how upset she makes you both,

best love Lynn xxx thinking about the three of you.

[Colin-T]

Sounds like she knows her mind as she has decided she does not want to continue the way she was and asked for help from you. She is obviously very bright and will come out the other end just fine. I agree with the previous post saying "Because they can", there seem to be no limits in this day and age, 24hr pubs, nightclubs,……….no one seems to know when enough is enough.

[Martin Oxenham]

I have a son who’s nearly 19 and he has just started going into town Saturday night to clubs. Him and his friends get home around 5.30 (not very drunk).
As said these clubs don’t even start getting busy until after midnight and go on until 4.30. When I was the same age they all closed at 2.00 and you were home by 2.30. The other thing is people leave home earlier and so have appartments, bedsits etc so they spend all night there talking and putting the world to rights. Good luck, it seems what you’re doing is working people can change.

[John Gregson]

Hi Michael,
Don’t have any advise as such but wish you all the luck and hope you can make this work.

John

[Warren Beard]

Hi Michael

I’m originally from South Africa and the party and drink scene (which does include drugs as does every city in the world) sounds worse. We had many clubs that only used to open at midnight and end at 8am, we used to sleep until about 11pm and then wake up and go out clubbing, There were even a few clubs that only opened at 8am for all those people who wanted to carry on clubbing after the 8am clubs closed 😕 I frequented these fairly often and a lot of the time it was just because some of my friends were doing it, but I have never ever taken drugs, believe it or not none at all, aways was too scared about what effects it might have on me and quiet frankly I never needed them to have a good time. Mean while all my friends were popping pills to keep up with everybody else 😕

I think it all comes down to the upbringing and love and support the child receives that will help them find the right path, all you can do unfortunately is hope and pray that it is sooner rather than later and even though she might be experimenting hope she knows her limits and is at least responsible enough and strong enough to know when to walk away.

Sorry if this has not been too much help but all I know is the more my mother used to fight with me about it the more I wanted to go out and stay out. You may find the more freedom you give her the more she may actually come home earlier, eliminate the "want" to stay out later than she actually rally wants to.

Cheers

Warren

[Gareth.Lewis]

Michael,

Some folk never want the party to end! The inevitable end of the night out is the journey, then arrival, home – to them very very boring.

I have a mate who is 37 now and still insists on that lifestyle and shows up at my home once in a blue moon ‘three sheets to the wind’ at odd hours of the day and night.

You ask the question why do teenagers want to stay out so late. I’d say that not all of them do. I imagine the majority don’t, it just seems that way, and, as I wrote above, some don’t want the party to ever end. You couldn’t fit ALL the teenagers that there are into the clubs and pubs that exist, surely.

I had a really strict upbringing, never allowed out during the week after school and always the first to have to go home at weekends. However when I reached 16, all of a sudden my parents put no restrictions on me whatsoever and after a spell of staying away from home at weekends and being in so late it was early during the week, I got tired of it and a bit put out that I wasn’t being challenged for my wild (as I saw it) behaviour. I stopped doing it of my own accord. I now think 20 years or so later that my parents were cannier than I gave them credit for. By not pressuring me they got what they wanted eventually. Might work….

Sounds like your granddaughter is getting just what she needs – someone to show her love, caring and consideration. I hope you can all have a very good Christmas.

Good luck!

Gareth

[Harry Cleary]

It would be easy to preach for hours on this one Michael……but at the end of the day the problem is ‘youth’. She has to find her own way……make her own mistakes and essentially take responsibility for her own life…might never happen at all……..and all you can do is exactly what you are doing…..provide support, a listening ear and a safety net. You are more than halfway there!

[Shane Drew]

Good on you Mike, your generosity does not surprise me at all.

Can’t give you much more advice than from my own personal experience.

My parents, (and grand parents) made it more interesting to be home with the family than out clubbing to be honest. We were kept busy helping people and working in the family business.

We were involved in all sorts of activities as a family, and my sister and I were always invited anywhere my parents went. If they received an invitation that didn’t include the kids, they didn’t go.

Mum and dad discussed just about everything with us… the state of the family finances, holiday plans.. just about anything, Made us feel that we were important and loved. Even now, my dad is probably my very best mate. I’m doing the same with my kids, hopefully when they get to their teenage years, they’ll be happiest in our company. My son and daughter have been encouraged to do stuff for their school and community, and they’ve developed a very caring attitude for people so young.

With the freedoms kids are taught these days, I worry what the years ahead hold for my own kids though. They have so many ‘rights’ but not enough maturity to use those ‘right’ properly. Society today teaches its ok to be promiscuous and rebellious, but the family are the ones that have to pick up the pieces. Schoolies here on the Gold Coast is a prime example of this ‘new age’ attitude. It genuinely upsets me.

All my peers at school got into drugs, sex and drink bingeing. 6 died sniffing aerosols, 2 ended up in jail, and several died in speed/drink related car accidents. I think I came out pretty good, so mum and dad must have done something right. We also had a very strong religious (although not a traditional one) upbringing.

Only advice I can offer is to be a good listener and friend. Ask questions, then listen the the answer. You’ll be surprised what they’ll come out with sometimes. Kids will usually confide in a grand-parent before a parent, so you’ve got an advantage there.

Hope it works for you mate, anything I can do, just give me a holler….