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Mal Props
While working with a few clients over the years I have a noticed that some not all have a tendency to use words, or at least they think they are words which are applicable to the conversation. A few examples: nobody is inflammable ( infallible)
Certain allegations have been made and when I get a hold of the alligator !
While trying to described the ageing process, can you crackilise it, …… reply no I was off the day they did the crackilise module, does any one have any little gems they wish to share -
33 Replies
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There was a fella here who used to say that when he felt tired driving he would ‘pull into a layabout’. 😀
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Mal prop? 😀
ok ok…. i’m going… 😕
Attachments:
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And my new house has a pleasant ambulance.
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guy i used to work with
would say
that fool i dont know how he can sleep with himself
and i bet that raelt sticks in his claw 😀
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A lad I know always refers to asset stripping as acid stripping
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My father in law always said something that made me wonder.
I could never understand why someone who didn’t go to church and had a pretty colorful way of speaking was always going to choir practice.
Meanwhile, he was saying "chiropractor".
He also used to say "Low-ey behold" for "Lo and Behold".
🙂
I miss him, he had the greatest sayings, such as "tighter than a crab’s @ss, and that’s water tight" (when someone was cheap)
"hornier than a double-peckered billy goat"
and also "drier than a popcorn fart".
:lol1: :lol1:
Love….Jill -
Sounds like a colourful character.. Maybe we should have a competition to use those 3 similes in one sentence. Ill try that next time I’m in a bar and trying to make an impression 😮
Prolly get beat up again…
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Asked the customer to bring his van into the workshop he replied
"will i drive in or rehearse in " 😮 😀 -
After hearing about a fire at a local Cash & Carry a few years ago we were reliably informed by a neighbour that the police had put an "accordion" around the building… still makes us chuckle.
My daughter who is now 5 still calls eggs "neggs" — from hearing us ask if she wants an egg at breakfast, to her it must sound like "a negg". We don’t want to tell her coz it’s cute and if she grows up it will make us feel old 😮
Wasn’t there a Miss Malprop in some book or something?
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i was in a taxi last week, taxi driver was talking about a guy we both knew and very successful. he said to me…
"I have to take my hands off to him, he works hard!"
😕
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quote Gordon Connelly:After hearing about a fire at a local Cash & Carry a few years ago we were reliably informed by a neighbour that the police had put an “accordion” around the building… still makes us chuckle.
My daughter who is now 5 still calls eggs “neggs” — from hearing us ask if she wants an egg at breakfast, to her it must sound like “a negg”. We don’t want to tell her coz it’s cute and if she grows up it will make us feel old 😮
Wasn’t there a Miss Malprop in some book or something?
Mrs Malaprop from ‘The Rivals’ by Sheridan I think.
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quote Robert Lambie:i was in a taxi last week, taxi driver was talking about a guy we both knew and very successful. he said to me…
“I have to take my hands off to him, he works hard!”
😕
Is it possible the taxi driver had prophetic hands…maybe an ex bomb-disposal guy?
talk to the face 😮
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My parents friends where round for a night at their house.
My dads mate started telling a story about his relative that suffered from "Dyslexi-pip" aka Dyslexia. 😕
his mate, carried on without cracking a smile or sign that anything was unusual.
My dad kept listening, but then he started to question things purposely to see if his mate was for real on this "Dyslexi-pip". aka Dyslexia.
the mate got a little frustrated and shouted in his wife who was chatting to my mum in another room. his wife walks in and the mate says… "I am talking to Robert here about our Peters son and how he has been diagnosed as having "Dyslexi-pip". she immediately agreed, and said his mother had "Dyslexi-pip" too but they didnt recognise it in schools back then!😮 :lol1:
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My Mother told the story of a wee woman back in the sixties, she was talking about the atomic bomb, and she said to my Mother , we could all be blown into maternity
And the worst thing is we would not know who had done it, ah yes the swinging sixties -
quote Graham Shand:My Mother told the story of a wee woman back in the sixties, she was talking about the atomic bomb, and she said to my Mother , we could all be blown into maternity
And the worst thing is we would not know who had done it, ah yes the swinging sixtiesLOL from here to maternity.
In saying that, having kids does impact on your life in a similar way.
Don’t know what I love more, kids or nukes… 😮
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How about "Gold and Silver brought for cash"
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A friend of mine has rented a lovely little condom with a balcony in Spain,
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That’s it, Mrs Malaprop, thought it was Dickens, never read Sheridan. My old flat mate who studied English Lit’ probably mentioned it.
Hope you’re not one of those readers, Harry? 😮
quote Harry Cleary:quote Gordon Connelly:After hearing about a fire at a local Cash & Carry a few years ago we were reliably informed by a neighbour that the police had put an “accordion” around the building… still makes us chuckle.My daughter who is now 5 still calls eggs “neggs” — from hearing us ask if she wants an egg at breakfast, to her it must sound like “a negg”. We don’t want to tell her coz it’s cute and if she grows up it will make us feel old 😮
Wasn’t there a Miss Malprop in some book or something?
Mrs Malaprop from ‘The Rivals’ by Sheridan I think.
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Friend of mine:
"The ethnic minority were prosecuted" instead of persecuted
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Oh and some years ago now my mum chatting with friend over a cuppa
Friend: "Yes! My Tracy is autistic"
Mum: "Oh! My John’s artistic"
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quote Gordon Connelly:That’s it, Mrs Malaprop, thought it was Dickens, never read Sheridan. My old flat mate who studied English Lit’ probably mentioned it.
Hope you’re not one of those readers, Harry? 😮
I resemble that remark! 🙁 😀
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My mum was shopping one day and a guy walked up and said
"oh how you doing, not seen you in at least 10 years"
she smiled, not having a clue who he was and said "yeh got to be at least that"
the guy carried on asking questions about the kids, my dad and work…
my mum stood puzzled with confusion all over her face…
the guy smiles and finally says, "you cant remember who i am can you?"
my mum says, "oh know it’s not that, i just can’t stand your face" 😕 -
My daughter when she was a teenager
(Troubled by a wisdom tooth that was growing in the wrong direction)
She wanted to show me so she stuck her finger in her mouth and with mouth open wide she gargled out
"Yuk Jad N in gowing dor nail"
Translated: " Look Dad! An in-growing toe nail"
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This discussion has now crossed certain lines and shall henceforth be considered a threat to national security.
I won’t be investing.
I’m out. 😮
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What about this!
Community gathering
A little girl walks up to woman and stares at her for a while
Woman notices little girl staring at her and asks
"What wrong Jemma? Why are you staring at me like that?""Oh! Nothing! Its just that my mummy says you have two faces"
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OK John, just try and keep it clean though…
quote John Singh:What about this!Community gathering
A little girl walks up to woman and stares at her for a while
Woman notices little girl staring at her and asks
“What wrong Jemma? Why are you staring at me like that?”“Oh! Nothing! Its just that my mummy says you have two faces”
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Will do Gordon
I think she was carrying baby wipes!
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Marjorie Proops… was she not the agony aunt? 😕
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quote Phill Fenton:Marjorie Proops… was she not the agony aunt? 😕
I was bit by an ant, it was agony
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When asked what the difference was between a "crash" and a "creche" I could not understand how they were related, until I was told that a "crash is when two boy racers crash their cars in Glasgow and a "creche" is when two cars collide at Bearsden cross………
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quote Stephen Henderson:When asked what the difference was between a “crash” and a “creche” I could not understand how they were related, until I was told that a “crash is when two boy racers crash their cars in Glasgow and a “creche” is when two cars collide at Bearsden cross………
:lol1: :lol1: :lol1:
Likewise, if the accident happens in Edinburgh, it’s also called a creche
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Home perm kit back in the late 80s. My wife reading the instructions to me…
"Wind the hair around the curler…" Problem is she didn’t say ‘wind’ she said ‘wind’.
Gotta love the English language. 🙂
Edit: Just re-read that… I was doing the perm for her.
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quote Steve Hooper:Home perm kit back in the late 80s. My wife reading the instructions to me…
“Wind the hair around the curler…” Problem is she didn’t say ‘wind’ she said ‘wind’.
Gotta love the English language. 🙂
Edit: Just re-read that… I was doing the perm for her.
Very similar:
My wife’s friend on giving us directions to her house in Wales
Text: "You go along a long windy road till you get to a pillar box"
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