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do you think tjhis guy is annoyed?
NTL House
Bartley Wood Business Park
Bartley Way
Hook
Hampshire
RG27 9UP
Dear Cretins,
I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2005, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal
for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone.
During this three month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not
previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic
proportions.
Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional
prerogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties – or more likely (I suspect) so that you
can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking
B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office.
My initial installation was cancelled without warning or notice, resulting in my spending an
entire Saturday sitting on my fat ar$e waiting for your technician to arrive. When he did
not arrive at all, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and
the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful
website….how?
I alleviated the boredom to some small degree by playing with my testicles for a few
minutes – an activity at which you are no doubt both familiar and highly adept.
The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later, although the technician
did forget to bring a number of vital tools – such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum.
Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After several further telephone
calls (actually 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks) my modem arrived … a total of six weeks
after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it.
I estimate that the downtime of your internet servers is roughly 35%…these are usually
the hours between about 6pm and midnight, Monday to Friday, and most of the useful
periods over the weekend.
I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 telephone calls on my
mobile to your no-help line this week, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of
disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly skilled bollock jugglers.
I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone will call me back),
that no telephone line is available (and someone will call me back), that I will be
transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then
been cut off), that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone
line is available (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing me that your
office is closed), that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a
telephone line is available (and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot
woman…. and several other variations on this theme.
Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least a thousand other
dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of those crucially important testicle moments
to attend to.
Frankly I don’t care, it’s far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustrations in print
than to shout them at your unending hold music.
Forgive me, therefore, if I continue.
I thought BT were shit, that they had attained the holy pi$$-pot of god-awful customer
relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more
obstructive to delivering service to their customers. That’s why I chose NTL, and because,
well, there isn’t anyone else is there?
How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and
disappointment what a useless shower of ba$tard$ you truly are.
You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum – incompetents of the highest order.
British Telecom – wan kers though they are – shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the
filthy pus-filled mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy.
Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any
kind of service from you. I suggest that you do likewise, and cease any potential future
attempts to extort payment from me for the services which you have so pointedly and
catastrophically failed to deliver – any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and
disbelief – although these feelings will quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps a
small measure of bemused rage.
I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cat’s litter tray, as an
expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you, and your pointless company.
I sincerely hope that they have not become dessicated during transit – they were
satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if
you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture.
Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its worthless
employees.
Have a nice day – may it be the last in your miserable short life, you irritatingly
incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twat$.
Yours psychotically -
11 Replies
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😀 :lol1: :lol1: :lol1:
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"Praps a tad peeved ?
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Wonderful! 😮 :lol1:
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not sure annoyed really covers it, do you?
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that was brilliant – crying my eyes out with laughter – especially the cat turd part! :lol1: :lol1: :lol1: :lol1:
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nice one George :lol1: :lol1: :lol1:
martin…. are you going to signuk mate? just thought ide ask as your avatar picture is a tad intimidating :lol1: :lol1:
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Hi Robert
I am not sure, as I am having a stand at the NEC the weekend prior – for the Seni06 (Martial Arts Show) 😀
That picture was taken at a recent Muay Thai Boxing training session, but I usually train in Tae Kwon Do, Bando Kickboxing, and stickfighting – when I’m not working of course!
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:lol1: :lol1: :lol1: tell you what mate… if you get into an sign topic argument at signuk… ill "let" you win…. 😉 :lol1:
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:lol1: Believe it or not, I am a real peaceful guy – happily married with 4 young kiddies to look after!
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ohHHH dont worry…i….we…. understand…agree…. 😮 :lol1: 😉
no worries mate… hope to see you at the show 😉
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quote Martin Forsyth::lol1: Believe it or not, I am a real peaceful guy – happily married with 4 young kiddies to look after!
Whatever you say mate 😕 😉
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