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25 questions to help find the perfect wife..
1) A woman’s place is in the:
a) House (or Senate)
b) Bedroom
c) Office
d) Sitting in a deep dark cellar plotting to cut a man’s entrails out and leave it as food for wild jackals2) When singing in the shower, you will most likely sing:
a) “Poisoning Pigeons in the Park”
b) “Material Girl”
c) “I Touch Myself”
d) The theme from Psycho3) The perfect Christmas gift is:
a) Expensive perfume or intimate evening wear
b) Flowers, a backrub, bubble bath, and a hand-written love sonnet
c) Six-pack of Bud, Domino’s Pizza, and an evening of QVC
d) Whips, knives and red-hot irons4) A woman’s hairstyle should:
a) Gently accentuate her best features
b) Not resemble a poodle
c) Hide the lobotomy scars
d) Cover the little “666” on the back of the skull5) Your personal role-model is:
a) Hillary Clinton
b) Ruth Bader-Ginsberg
c) Daisy Duke
d) Lorena Bobbit6) When it comes to cars, you:
a) Take good care of your car and change the oil regularly
b) Think (giggle) “What’s oil?”
c) Think fuzzy dice are cool!
d) Want a Mercedes — now!7) If your man wants to date you, he must also like your:
a) Family
b) Pet
c) Therapist
d) Current husband8) You have subscriptions to:
a) Newsweek and the Wall Street Journal
b) Analog and Rolling Stone
c) National Enquirer and TV Guide
d) Grit and Weekly Reader9) You’d like to have ___ children.
a) Any number, as long as they are healthy
b) Some
c) Your
d) Well-dressed10) My list of favorite authors include:
a) William Shakespeare
b) Maya Angelou
c) Chairman Mao
d) Marquis DeSade11) A romantic evening is best spent:
a) Before a roaring fire
b) Having a candle-lit dinner
c) Country line dancing
d) Shopping12) You want to date a(n):
a) Lawyer
b) Engineer
c) Crew-chief at the local JiffyLube
d) Man who owns a shoe store13) You really admire:
a) Your parents, for bringing you up right
b) Your teachers, for teaching you about life
c) The makers of “Velveeta”
d) Zsa Zsa Gabor14) What attracted you most to me (physically) is/are my:
a) Massive chest
b) Tight buns
c) Tattoo collection
d) Credit cards15) What attracted you most to me (mentally) is/are my:
a) Sparkling wit
b) Open mind
c) Deep understanding of power tools
d) Huh?16) You really get turned on when you:
a) Are with me
b) Kiss my neck
c) Imitate “Beavis and Butthead”
d) Do the dishes17) You can’t live without:
a) The support of friends
b) Supplemental oxygen
c) “Entertainment Tonight”
d) Makeup18) If I were really depressed, you would:
a) Listen to my problems
b) Rub my back
c) Get me drunk
d) Laugh19) Your favorite television programs are:
a) NYPD Blue and Home Improvement
b) MST3K and Star Trek: TNG
c) This Week In Monster Truck Racing and America’s Most Wanted
d) Roseanne and Lifestyles of the Cruel and Unusual20) Your favorite pig out food is:
a) Low-fat yogurt
b) Haagen Dasz
c) Gummi worms
d) A man’s still-quivering heart21) A man should know where you keep your:
a) House keys
b) Erogenous zones
c) Ear-wax remover
d) Guns22) You would rather die a slow painful death than:
a) Betray a confidence
b) Betray your country
c) Miss Wheel of Fortune
d) Spend one more minute with me23) The most hellish, vile place on Earth is:
a) Afghanistan
b) Texas
c) Anyplace with less than 40 channels of cable
d) My bedroom24) The one phrase you would love to hear is:
a) “Congratulations, Madame President”
b) “Ohmygod, that is the winning lottery ticket!”
c) “Wow! I’ve never seen a woman spit tobacco that far!”
d) “What we can’t figure out is how the arsenic got in his food in the first place.”25) If a man was to propose to you, you would:
a) Cry
b) Call your mother
c) Be pregnant
d) Giggle uncontrollablyPlease write a 300 word essay on the theme: “A Woman’s Role In the relationship: Helpmate or Saboteur”
Please attach references, a current picture, and a blood sample.
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