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Help me Guys honest answer
Posted by Nancy Wannous on February 15, 2006 at 12:03 pmHi Its me again i need help making a decision. I work for a little US company im kind of friends with the boss well the problem is i had a meeting with him on monday its wasn’t good i saw another side of him really cold no caring about employees that work come priority to them. I give my job 200% and to share my story with millions of users i must be feeling down and stressed and sad about it. Im 23 years old and this is my second job and i like it. what i don’t like is how im treated and taken advantage of. months ago i signed a contract with the company under hours of 7:30am till 4 pm now before i signed i asked my boss verbally if its ok to change the hours once my son starts his first year at school. he flipped at me took me upstairs holding the contract and telling i will loose my job if i don’t pull myself together . i feel like an idiot for trusting that he will look after me being in the position that i don’t have family in the country at all. im lost guys and to be honest the days that we got 2 man i just wished im stronger then i though. I do care if i loose my job in a silly way but what i care most is when i don’t feel im being respected. he wants an answer from me this friday if im staying under conditions that its not his problem me being a mum or working par time or leaving if he doesn’t like it giving me warnings for not breaking any rules. im so upset turning to a site to talk about my problems hope you guys don’t laugh at me. im in tears.
Nancy Wannous replied 18 years, 2 months ago 25 Members · 128 Replies -
128 Replies
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I had the same situation with my old job in IT, I took my kids full time and my boss wasn’t happy that I chose my kids over the job. He brought HR into the situation and I argued the whole case until they seen my point about taking my kids over the job. Once they were ok with the problem I handed in my resignation on pure prinsable…….. maybe not the best thing to do at the time but my kids come first before anything.
In fact that’s the main reason I set up my own business so that I can work around my kids without any hassle or questions.
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thats the thing John my son does come first i will loose my car my signage business have a big mortgage to pay biggggg. im Screwed. finding another job have to go through setting up mu folio again and interviews SO much .
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Nancy, I really feal for you here, but you know your boss is not going to change. The fact that you’re a 23 yo woman and he is a bully does not fare well for you.
He s not a man of his word obviously, and he his holding you to a contarct he knows you want to change in the near future.
I’d tell him to stick his job frankly.
These guys don’t appreciated your effort now, nothing will make them change in the future.
Unfortunately, if you give in now from your original request, he’ll always treat you poorly with little respect.
You need to sit down with your thoughts and think this trrough, Then you need to put your thoughts to paper. Write this jerk a letter, don’t be confronationalist tho, but outline your conversation with him, reminding him of his comments.
Point out that you love the job and the company, but your son comes first. Put it to him that if he wants to go back on his verbal understanding of your original wish, then you can’t work with someone who can not be trusted.
End of the day Nancy, if he treats you like a door mat now, nothing you do or say will make a difference.
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Hi Nancy,
Don’t know if you have an industrial tribunal over there that you could take this person to with regard to a verbal acceptance of your terms of contract. In this country, one a=can do this and quite often, the industrial tribunal will go on the side of the employee. One of the things that employers have to bear in mind is that this type of thing usually gets to the papers and shows the general public (and your bosses customers) what an ar$ehole he is being.
regards
dave -
i will loose it cos of the mortgage. and my full time job was paying off material expenses etc. being unemployed i have to give up everything even my nails lol.
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thats why i’m self employed now too, got the boot for being sick, when they knew i was prob the most consistent service engineer they had (repairs/skills wise), but my time keeping was a little erratic at times due to having my children 6days out of every 14, they didnt like the fact that i told em i’d choose kids over the job (the job they beged me to return too !).
ultimately i couldnt find employment that suited my life around the children, so i suited my own employment, its not easy, and i mean that in about every sense, but it was my only option, it maay or may not be yours,
with a large mortgage to pay, you may be better off finding some kind of employment that allows you your required hours, and use the extra time to build your own business before leaping off, perhaps ?
either way, this guy sounds like an ar$hole, if you back down you lose, if you dont you might lose, he might just relent if you politely put it to him that you have no choice and that you’ll work x amount of notice,
i dunno, wish i had the answers for all of us !!
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lol, Nancy, my mrs just said about you….. “i reckon that with a pretty face like hers, she’d get any job she went for, and on her terms if she fluttered her eyelashes and smiled !!! ” 😀
now she’s said that, i reckon i’m permitted to agree !!
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quote Hugh Potter:lol, Nancy, my mrs just said about you….. “i reckon that with a pretty face like hers, she’d get any job she went for, and on her terms if she fluttered her eyelashes and smiled !!! ” 😀
now she’s said that, i reckon i’m permitted to agree !!
I was thinking the same thing Hugh….. but I just kept it too myself 😉
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Well that worked getting this job lol thank you guys its like im so upset i can’t see clear and all the reply r making me stronger in what to say on friday.
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quote wannousnancy:Well that worked getting this job lol thank you guys its like im so upset i can’t see clear and all the reply r making me stronger in what to say on friday.
If words don’t work then kick him in the nads :lol1: :lol1:
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how big is this company u r in? how many collegues or is it under 10 people?
sorry to hear that you have nasty bosses and 7:30am !!! blimey.
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i should have done that when i had the chance him trying to hit on me
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Hi Nancy, I realy feel for you, personally I would tell him to stick his job and his attitude right where the sun dont shine! I cant stand male chauvenists and believe me Ive met plenty!
Seriously though I would do as Shane has advised and write him a letter outlining everything that was originally said, it wont change his attitude but it might let him know that he is treating people unfairly. I would then hand in my resignation and go looking for another job. There are plenty of good understanding employers out there who will be more sympathetic.
At the end of the day, your own self respect and your kids come first every time, No one has the right to bully or hold you to ransom. This is not the end of the world just an eye opener, go and get another job and lay all your cards on the table from the outset. If you are good at what you do ( and I know you are ! ) you will have no trouble getting another job. Its better to hand in your resignation than to get sacked.
I work for myself so that I can be there for my kids, and I havent regretted it for one minute, Ive missed none of their school activities and Ive always been there when they are ill. Its not easy and Im not well off but I can hold my head up and say I did my best for my kids.
I wish you luck in your job hunting or whatever you decide to do and dont let anyone bully you!Ok rant over…………. 👿
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quote wannousnancy:i should have done that when i had the chance him trying to hit on me
Have the barsteward for sexual harrasement!!!!
If all else fails, go to each computer press start, run C:\format 😀
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I love you Dave your the best so all of you guys im smiling
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Hi Nancy,
I’ve been in a similar situation as yours and I think I know how you are feeling. An ex boss kept on threatening me with the sack because he said my work wasn’t up to scratch. I know that my printing was always spot on and the funny thing was he would only threaten me when there was little or no work on at the time!.I had just taken on a big mortgage and I admit I was really scared of what the future would bring. 2 weeks later there was loads of work on and he said my printing had improved, i’d had enough of being walked on, went into his office and told him to stick his job.
The relief from the pressure felt great – I phoned up a few printers and was working the same day on more money. 😀
I hope that everything works out, there is always another job out there or take the plunge into self employment. Keep your chin up :lol1:
Cheers John
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You are not going to like what I’m going to say but I’m going to be realistic here
In as much as you have concerns over family and money , so does your boss. If you are an invaluable employee , your boss should not have reacted like this unless he is a cretin who wants to cut his nose to spite his face. If he is sticking fast over your working hours and wont allow some flexi time for no good reason , it means there is some other problem and he might just be using this as an excuse to fire you. It could be that business has taken a downturn or that his expectations and yours in terms of wrok performance are not at the same level. the fact that you are “friendly” with him works against you as it far more difficult to confront a “friend” than a more impersonal employee over small issues that can build up to mountains.
However we are in no position to judge his “unfairness” until you tell us what your counter proposal was. Not only that , it depends on the business structure as to whether your counter proposals are workable. For example if you were a receptionist and tele calls come in from 7.30 am and you had to say you wanted to come in at 9am and work till 5.30 when the business closes at 4.30 , that would not be acceptable as the job you were hired for would not be able to be properly accomplished in terms of the “new” proposals.
Unfortunately , there is a fine line between keeping employees satisfied and keeping a business running
Your boss has taken the risks and put his all on the line and if the changes you propose could compromise his security ,you , unfortunately will take the fall. I , as an employer would do the same , my life and security and my family and the rest of my staffs come before a single employees’s
I did not start my business and work like dog to cater or pander to employees at my own cost , very much the same way that my customers will tell me to go take a flying leap if I consistently do not deliver and cite personal problems as the cause. In essence you are making your problems his. His customers will not be understanding.
As I say , it really is impossible for us to confirm the fairness of this case without all the facts and a 2 sided story.
To soften this blow , no boss is able to just fire at will for no real acceptable reason without going thru procedures and hearings. If he makes life intolerable in your job to the extent that you resign , it is classed as constructive dimsissal and is unfair. In most civilised countries with the rudiments of labour law , this can cost the employer big time. I would consult a labour lawyer prior to Fridays interview and if you don’t , at least reassure your boss that the change in work hours will in no way affect the co. -
I have just re-read this thread , I am at a loss over what to make about your comments that seem to intimate you used your “feminine” charms to get the job and that your boss seemed to have wanted to hit on you and that you seem to have been aware of his interest and in some way played on it. I dont quite get what you mean when you said you should have kicked him in the nads in the statement you make ” i should have done that when i had the chance him trying to hit on me”.
I might be wrong here , but this doesnt seem a cut and dried platonic boss/employee relationship or that you got the job purely based on your skills. -
Well Rodney the business is doing very well and to be honest he has no reason to bring the contract out and talk to me about how i am not following it the past three week iv been showing up to work for only three hours reason was the little one started his first 2 weeks at school that was for half day i asked him for permission to work three hours and pick the little one and come back to work and finish up whatever he needed me 2 do. He said yes do it but don’t worry about coming back we will take it out of your annual holiday. still though i worked very hard to get the batching and printing done all was done. after him saying yes its fine. its not my fault. i have to be there for the little one . and i did not do this without going over it with him first . when i started working for him the sale was down 2 30 batches a year and i took it up to 100 and more. he is happy with me his pay is shit though. I am 200% sure why he is doing this cos he is being a babe and used to me doing everything without asking for anything especially when his sister is around everything sound coming out of her. i work my S off for him and i need respect this time no one will ask me out i will walk out with my pride and i wanna see him keeping it up 2 100 baches a year without me if he can. i look forward for friday.
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Rodney That was a joke cos Dave said to kick him in the nuts well i did get the job for my skills and i did tell him in my interview that i am married. and as i said he did not come after me all he said was “great eyes if only your single” that was after 2 months. and he is never around when im at work he work at night time and let me handle day time.
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know where your coming from nancy, my old boss was an alchoholic and cos i used to live round the corner from him i used to pick him up every morning as he was banned for drink driving, one morning he said not to get him and to be in work for 5.30am witht the others to start a job which i did, then got the biggest rant of a phonecall asking me why i didnt pick him up, 😛 so after 10 mins of verbal just got me coat and walked out, however we had only been in our first house 2 days and my missus couldnt figure why i was back home at 6.am until the penny dropped 😮 oops bad move, couldnt tell you the words used but were stronger than flip & damn 😛 anyway got a job on the post and night cleaning at marks and spencer while setting this place up and i tell you even though it was an 18 hour day at least i can honestly say it was the best move i ever made, i would rather answer to my customers than him any day, so you gotta do what feels right and go with it, always go with gut feeling full stop, there will always be an employer out there who will appreciate your talent and efforts so you do whats right for you and your child.
How smooth was that john and hugh about the eyes hey 😛 10 out of 10 for effort though guys ha :lol1: -
Well here is my two pence worth.
I as a boss try 2 make life as easy for my workers as possible. I have a great team here, who because I am flexible, so are they. By helping them, they then give me their best, which then reflects in the standard of work produced etc etc
Most of all though, I treat them well, as without them I don’t have a business, and good workers are not easy to come by these days.
It does seem that there is more to this, to treat you this way. If all else fails, move to the UK and i will employ you. Although they are a great bunch here, they are so damn ugly Lil
As its been said, you do have rights, don’t let him walk all over you
Vince
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hello Nancy,
With all the positive replys and support you are receiving hopefully its putting you in a position of feeling stronger, the advice i give to you is DON’T waste any more energy and time on this man. As a mother you know what is impotant to you and your family. We all as human beings need clarity in our lives and most of all honesty…something that doesn’t exist in your place of work. Most of our day is spent at work and if you find yourself in an enviroment were your under-valued, humiliated and unhappy then you move on. you said it yourself there is no loyalty with your employer.
Regards Brian 😀
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Nancy, can’t your husband help out?
Or alternatively can you work full time with your own sign business. That way you’ll always be available for your little one. That’s what I did, it seemed the best option. Unfortunately us mothers have to compromise somewhere along the line. It’s old fashioned I know, but if you want to be there for your child then something has to give.
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quote Marcella:Unfortunately us mothers have to compromise somewhere along the line. It’s old fashioned I know, but if you want to be there for your child then something has to give.
😮 “us mothers”
Being a single father I find that a shocking statement 😉
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😀 sorry John! 😀
not many men have the same view……. it’s assumed that the ‘mother’ will rearrange her work to suit and not the father. I think it’s safe to say that’s the case the world over. (God, I’ll have upset someone else now 😉 )
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All I can do is send you my very best wishes and hope all go’s well.
Good luck
Regards Russ.
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Guys thank you soo much for everything. all the reply do make me feel positive i look forward for friday. Thank you soo soo much i feel power through this great support from you guys this is like wonderful.
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Nancy all I can say is all the very best and I hope it works the way you want it too, I know when children are involved not every thing is black and white, I will be thinking of you on Friday be sure to let us know what happens you have become a good friend take very good care.
Love Lynn
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quote Marcella:😀 sorry John! 😀
(God, I’ll have upset someone else now 😉 )You mean there is someone that you haven’t ??? 😉
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Though we don’t currently employ any staff, in a former life I ran a transport depot for an international haulier.
During the time that I was manager, out of the four depots in the country I had the highest staff retention rates in the fleet. ie NO-ONE left.
I put it down to how I treated the staff as I looked after them and still ran a profitable depot.
When I was made redundant, they were keeping the drivers on(moved the office to head office) however within a month of me going all but one of the drivers had resigned and the last one left within 6 months. A few of them basically handed in their notice as soon as I informed them of the redundancy.
Funny thing was, they closed the office to save money but the errors head office made in the first month after I went cost them more than my office cost to run for a year!!!!!
Nancy, best of luck, you have all the support I can offer along with my best wishes.
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Thank you guys its Thursday night and friday is tomorow. i feel positive and ill show him what im hi hiding from him unleash myself lol. i hope i don’t get the brain freeze like i did on Monday.
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its always alot easier to run thru it in your head than it is in real life, face to face, but just remember, even if you’re shaking like a leaf and as nervous as hell, that you need to be the one who decides your future, and you need to say your piece, rightly or wrongly,
i’m sure most of us have done things like this at some point, and it never gets any easier with time, well maybe we get more bold with how truthful we’d be to bosses,
i’m struggling, i either have no work on and struggle, or like now, ‘m trying to juggle about 3 jobs and a further 3 quotes (all for reasonable jobs), and i’m still struggling !! if it aint financially it’s physically, the world is never as rosy as we’d like, except for Rob (too many breezers ya know !),
jeez, dont i waffle on !
all the best tomorrow Nancy,
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When you face him Nancy, stare at him and focus right between the eyes, on the bridge of his nose. This will make him try to make eye contact and will put him at a great disadvantage. Say what you will and good luck girl, I’ll be thinking of you. Remember that we are all behind you :love:
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As dave said, eye contact – its the most important part of negotiating, keep calm and speak with confidence. Dont let it turn into an arguement.
Good Luck John
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i will remember that easy. will tell you guys how i go
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well said folks… best of luck nancy, im sure all will be well. as has been said, dont turn it into an argument as you/he may do something you will regret. keep to the point and try work out a compromise if nothing else. 😉
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Good Luck!
Keep it polite & professional.
Remember this, if you lost your job, your life would not fall apart, you would adapt – one way or another.
Sometimes the thought of losing/giving up a job are worse than if it actually happens.
Your son and husband are far far more valuable than a job.
Best wishes.
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Well.
How’d you go Nancy ?
I hope the outcome was 😎 and not 😥
Simon
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Sorry Guys Was having trouble with my account all is fixed now thank to Robert.
Well meeting was done .I said a lot this time he tried to stop me from talking but i said listen to me “on Monday i did listen to you give me the chance at least to say what i need So i did.
Started saying i know that work is important and i know that for the past 2 years i Showed you how much i care to bring it up for you. But i need you to know i organized my hours again to suite The company.
But if you don’t want to see me going you got to be flexible and work with me. He said “Alright i don’t wanna see you going” Started with BUT BUT I said listen.
I know i did not break the contract and i will remind you of the day i signed you told me that the hours will be changed to suite me and i know there is no need for you to bring up every time warning or telling me that i will loose my job and you will get someone else.i am not scared in loosing my job . But i hate the way you talk. I want respect and flexibility if you wanna see me stay you got to treat me right . I told him its not my fault the other designer can’t take pressure its not my fault that i have duty to my son. You just have to help just for a little while till his a bit older and he said ok bring me days where he is home and what you want to do and ill help. I did it guys i just set there and i was talking not upset talking .
There was times when i was saying the word twice but that’s normal.Thank you very much guys I love you all
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Proud of you Nancy, Well done for keeping your cool. Much better than going nuts and then no one wins.
You’re son is a lucky kid I think.
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Nice one 😀 sounds as though it will all work out fine.
John
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Nancy, ever since you turned up here, you have shown warm and friendlyness in your messages here, seems to be one of your strongest assetts. Well done not loosing it in the chat and staying focused.
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quote Dave Rowland:Nancy, ever since you turned up here, you have shown warm and friendlyness in your messages here, seems to be one of your strongest assetts. 😀
I agree with that Dave, well said
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Well done from me too, Im glad you told him straight and didnt stand for any messing! 😀
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:appl: EXCELLENT… i’m very happy for you. well done! 😉
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Thank you so much Guys i think it was the support and the replies that got me thinking and choosing the proper words. The thing i had a meeting on Monday before Friday and i was like what are you saying to me . I couldn’t find the words. But i hope all stays cool or else I’m going. Too much pressure in my life and i don’t need more. Thank you all .
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nearly 1200 hits to this thread Nancy, looks like a lot of people were interested in the outcome 😛
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ohhh wawww how did you know that Shane? cool 1200 hit this site rocks
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hi nancy
shanes right, if you click this link you will see your post at the top of the list.https://www.uksignboards.com/viewforum.php?f=19
if you look to the right hand side it shows how many people have veiwed your post sinse it started. just now its “veiws= 1222” so ide say its a popular thread, even more popular when you consider this forum can only be veiwed by “registered” member of the site site. meaning the general traffic of people that dont login, cant see it. 😀
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Hi Robert , Just something is happening here and i wanted to ask you for help. for some reason my account keep logging me out when i try to post reply. When i first logged in today i had to try replying 10 times. its not fun lol
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spooky… when u click Login… and enter username and password, do you put a tick in the box? its a pain when u dont
also the link above should start with https://www.uksignboards.com , let us know if it does not.
Nancy your so popular … what can I say… 😉 :lol1:
Rob, pleased u have now protected a few of these forums to registered members.
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Dave i don’t like to save my password but it used to work fine before now everytime i log in and say i wanna reply to you i have to do it twice sometimes more it logges me out when i press submit my reply very funny. i was ok before . What did you mean when you said Rob, pleased u have now protected a few of these forums to registered members? Im a bit slow tonight lol
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slow you don’t know the meaning of the word only in the past few weeks did i learn that the two green arrows at the top of the page let you stay on line and update of what ever it is, before that i closed down every time i made a post or wanted to see a reply 😳
Russ
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Well Done Nancy, I can see Meryl Streep or Julia Roberts playing you in the movie! Could call it ‘Go Nancy Go! Im working on the script now…lol
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Well that’s int resting harry. whats the story gonna be?
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well this site used to be available for everyone to see most of the areas… a lot of the ‘content’ areas are now protected from ‘guest’ access.. so u got to login to see everything.
As far as I am aware you cannot post in anyway without being logged in, so I guess things getting a little screwed.. If you on a company network which may have a server e.g. Do you login with a username a password to use your computer. They maybe using caching software on the server, so webpages maybe getting into a muddle.
If you use a network, then your network password should be secure enough, if you walk away from you computer you can press “Left Windows key” and “L” to lock your computer.
I am talking geeeeeeeeeek now! (chat.)
Russ, dont know what these arrows you are seeing but is it drink related?
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Now i know what your talking about Dave (hot) lol
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quote Dave Rowland:Russ, dont know what these arrows you are seeing but is it drink related?
Think Russ is talking about the refresh button Dave
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no Shane or Dave he is talking about the back and forward button . i think i got it right lol hahaha
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oh right, i see… i never use them 😀
<Backspace> is Back and never really need to go forward.
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quote wannousnancy:your funny Dave
LMAO !!!!!!
quote harry:Well Done Nancy, I can see Meryl Streep or Julia Roberts playing you in the movie! Could call it ‘Go Nancy Go! Im working on the script now…lolsurely you’d get a younger actress ? as nice as they both are, they’re both drawing pensions ! well.. one is !
perhaps more a part for Eva Green ? (kingdom of heaven and The Dreamers)
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laughing my a$$ off 😀
just burst out laughig when i read that statement !!
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ur funny hugh LMAO is new word to learn i know PMSL
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lol, now i’m funny !
there’s also r.o.t.f.p.m.p.l
rolling on the floor peeing my pants laughing 😮
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now thats a long one i thing the purpose of using the first letter is to make it short lol
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quote wannousnancy:now thats a long one
thank you 😳
oops… just noticed the rest of what you wrote !!
quote wannousnancy:i thing the purpose of using the first letter is to make it short lol -
Nancy knows surely.. if not Carrie does 😛 ..
Carrie FTW!!
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FTW !!! Oh yes I know it well …… just to confuse matters even more
Bunny Hopping FTW!!! :lol1: 😉
If Nancy wasnt already married I would have been looking at our first UKSB romance blossoming … oh well … Im still waiting on our first UKSB lovers who meet here and go on to wed!!
😛
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ha ha lol !!!
i am a good boy me !
my lady here is more than enough for me 😉 as for Nancy, she’s a lovely lass, and i’ll go no further than to say no more than ‘her husband is a lucky man’ !!
still dont know what ftw actually stands for !
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Hugh you r funny you only put the word (THATS A LONG ONE) lol
FTW ?? lol i never heard of that FTW you guys are showing off now I know BBQ lol -
hey everyone… i made 2000 posts 😛 :cheer:
2000 FTW!! Teh 1337 r0xzoR!!
Ok.. i stop now… its all online talk
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FTW means “fcuk the world”. A lot of gang members also have 3 little dots in the shape of a triangle on their hand between their thumb and first finger that stands for the same thing.
I don’t think that is what you guys are on about though. 🙄
-Marek -
it seems to have loads of meanings.. but we refer to it as “Free the World”
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Nancy and Hugh Free the world lol FTW ummm yeah right!!
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um.. i guess that sounds bad…
also means “For the Win”
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