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For my cricket loving friends …..
Had to forward this one on… especially to my pommy friends 😉
Q. What is the height of optimism?
A. An English batsman putting on sunscreen.Q. What would Glenn McGrath be if he was English?
A. An all rounder.Q. What is the main function of the England coach?
A. To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.Q. What’s the English version of a hat trick?
A. Three runs in three balls.Q. Why don’t English fielders need pre tour travel injections?
A. Because they never catch anything.Q. What’s the English version of LBW?
A. Lost, Beaten and Walloped.Q. What do you call a Englishman with 100 runs against his name?
A. A bowler.Q. What does "Ashes" stand for?
A. Another Sad Horrific English Series.Q. What do English batsmen and drug addicts have in common?
A. Both spend most of their time wondering where their next score will come from. -
32 Replies
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I know, revenge is sweet 😥
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shesh…. (:)
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Just imagine if you worked over here guys. Many stories about it being open season on english co-workers here. All in good fun of course.
I’ve got one english client that has banned cricket being dicussed while he is in the room. Of course, his aussie co workers respect his wishes… NOT :lol1:
Its not won yet though, even tho they lost a game agains a schoolboys ‘A’ team… but they were probably just unlucky.
At least with Damien Martyns (forced) retirement, you guys may have a better chance. He’s been the scapegoat for any losses here, from the last ashes to just about every game since. I feel sorry for the guy, but with so many up and coming cricketers waiting in the aussie wings, he probably saw the writing on the wall.
Stupid thing is at 32 people are saying he is over the hill 🙄
I have this theory that the aussies will not want to win the next few games, because the ICC really want every game sold out. I’d be expecting a loss or a draw in the next few games at least, just so they can make a fortune at the turnstiles.
I know, I know…. a cynic… you sound like my wife 😉
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The cricketer was visiting the psychiatrist.
Cricketer: ‘It’s terrible. I can’t score runs, I’m a terrible bowler, and I can’t hold a catch. What can l do?
Doctor: ‘Get another job.’
Cricketer: ‘I can’t. I’m playing for England tomorrow !’
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Cricket Definitions
APPEAL- A 250 decibel scream made to overcome the obvious congen-
ital deafness so common in the umpiring profession.AVAGOYAMUG- The mysterious, almost religious chant that comes out
of the mouth of the cricket spectator.Sometimes it can be repeat-
ed by the one person 1200 times in an afternoon,especially if
the Englishmen are batting.BLOCK- Taking block, a slow painful ritual involving an incoming
batsman, the umpire and a little pitch excavation.A means of
postponing the fearful onslaught.BRADMAN- See God.
BYE- A way of scoring a run or more by cleverly missing the
ball.The umpire raises one arm as if he wants to leave the
room.The wicketkeeper wishes he could.CAUGHT BEHIND- Trapped in the turnstiles.
COMMENTATOR- He’s venerable.His eyesight is not as good as it was
in 1938 but it’s remarkable how he can still pick an inswinger or
an outswinger from 200 metres.Whats going on in the centre can be
a wretched inconvevience when he’s just recalling that marvellous
incident on the fourth day of the Fifth Test in 1948.He is superb
at describing seagulls and most graceful at 5pm when he refers to
the long shadows moving across the ground.At 6pm during the sum-
ming up he can usually cause a shock by actually referring to the
days play.ESKY- A trade device used for carting refreshments mostly into
sports grounds. Many of them are made of plastic foam.In moments
of extreme emotion during Test matches it is done to break
up your esky and throw the pieces atEXTRAS- Or in politer circles,sundries.Here we have the collec-
tion of no balls and byes.Extras is quite a fellow.Sometimes he
is so skillful he is the top scorer of the day.FOOTBALL- A crude winter game played with an inflated pigskin.It
provides much tedious talk in the newspapers,bars and on the
airwaves.If particular care is not taken it will get worse and
the desire will arise to play it all year round.GOD- See Bradman.
HORSE RACING- A strange unecessary sport where horses are
thrashed into competing against one another.It is used for the
sole purpose of interrupting cricket descriptions on the radio. -
Hello Shaney. Just to let you know, that is what all the fuss was about with that Panesar bloke. 5-92 I think that beats Warne’s best at Waca, doesn’t it? Doesn’t it? Eh? Eh?
😀
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244 all out 😀
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isn’t that game finished yet???????? How long does it go on for?
A game of rounders is usually done in 2 hours! 😉
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:no1: Marcella stick to what you know tossing cabers :lol1:
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quote Dave n Rob Lowery:244 all out 😀
Is there a game on today? ah yes, england 2/37…. 😛
Andy, the aussies have been saying your spinner is the danger man since your lot arrived. No one can understand why he has not played in the 1st 2 games 😮
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quote George Elsmore::no1: Marcella stick to what you know tossing cabers :lol1:
Are you saying Marcella is a to$$er George 😕
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yup
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your card is marked Elsmore!
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:plane: thats me off to live in Brazil
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quote Dave n Rob Lowery:244 all out 😀
england 215 all out, but I guess you know that by now :lol1:
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Last I heard was Aussies 0 for 1 wicket :lol1:
Dave
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quote Dave n Rob Lowery:Last I heard was Aussies 0 for 1 wicket :lol1:
Dave
na mate, Langer fell on his sword to try and give you guys a hand I think. Who’d blame the poor guy. Apparently the Barmy Army have all applied for aussie citizenship. 😮 I mean , a fan can only cry for so long I reckon.
At a second innings of 1/119 looks like this one may be a good one. Ponting got past 2, which has to be a plus.
The other people crying is the aussie cricket board. Last thing they want is a win. Less money in the final games if that is the case. They have only sold out for the 1st 4 days of this test. Apparently even the Balmy Army had plans to go to the beach on the fifth day 😛
Cheer up guys, we can still lose from here. Shane Warne may see a pretty blonde in the crowd and become distracted. Hell, he may see a woman in the crowd and become distracted. Lets hope he has not got access to sms out there 😉
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Shane, thank you for that tactile post and you know the news teams are not covering it as much now
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I don’t think any of us are really holding out much hope of victory really. I just wanted to see Monty make himself a dead cert for the future. Bloody selectors, why didn’t they have him in from the start?
In England Shane, we always blame the management, never the players. Its traditional.
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quote Andy Gorman:In England Shane, we always blame the management, never the players. Its traditional.
We always blame Damien Martin unfortunately :lol1:
In truth tho Andy, the tall poppy syndrome is alive and well here. Anyone successful is always fair game here.
Aussie fans put so much pressure on our sporting ‘stars’, it really steams me sometimes. The expectation is so high, our young sports stars faulter, and they are labelled useless or whatever. I think there is so much money at stake, its taken the joy out of it for some.
I hardly even follow motorsport anymore. Now our premier V8 sport races in china and the emerites. Its all about the money, not the fans now, I mean, Buick sponsors our holden teams in China. Whats that all about.
😮
Sorry, I’ll stop ranting now…… 😳 -
you probably know this by now but…
WE WON THE ASHES BACK….
(Just incase you were living under a rock or something, without radio, TV and no access to a paper) :lol1: :lol1:
Still 2 games to go now. The english team want to win them for english pride.
Yeah right. Tell that to the english press 😛
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Somebody say something 🙄
X-Factor was good wasn’t it 🙄
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Who cares (?)
😀
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ashes? whats that?
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quote Andy Gorman:🙄
In England Shane, we always blame the management, never the players. Its traditional.
Hey Andy, I see what you mean. There is talk about sacking the coach, nothing about the players at all.
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Yep, only sacking the coach and he’s getting off light
But for the players
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hhhmm…. You may not have heard my friends, but we
won the 4th test by an innings and 99 runs :lol1:
….. oh never mind…
(the place is all of a sudden filled with poms trying to sound like kiwis 😉 – they don’t do that very well either 😛 )
The cricket board has to refund two days worth of tickets (50,000). They are crying with the english coach, but for different reasons 😉
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quote Dave Rowland:ashes? whats that?The Ashes ?
The English Cricket Team after being ‘burnt’ by our overrated, elderly team members
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Starts all over again in about 14 hours. Let’s all hope for a more exciting game.
A real challenge from the English, or an even more impressive win by the Aussies. Either would do. -
quote Lance Sherrard:Starts all over again in about 14 hours. Let’s all hope for a more exciting game.
A real challenge from the English, or an even more impressive win by the Aussies. Either would do.The retirement of Langer, McGrath, Warne, 07 could be an interesting year in cricket terms.
Not so confident about the world cup now 😕 Nice for the boys to retire 5-0 tho, even tho the poms may not think so, be good for their last game, don’t you think?
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😮
(sorry guys, couldn’t resist it :lol1: )
Attachments:
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salt – wound – salt – wound
😥 😥 😥 😥 😥
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